madnd

so i've been kind of a hermit the last few weeks. i've been staying with my mom since i moved out of the shithole apt and am waiting on the decisions about house-buying and was alone all last weekend and it was great. this weekend dan asked me to house sit and feed their cats while they went camping and it's fricking sweet to be alone. to sleep as long as i want. to sit in silence. read a book.

speaking of which, last weekend i read the twilight trilogy (twilight, new moon and eclipse... more to come apparently) that miya had been having everyone read and they were all going nuts over. they weren't that great. decent stories, but i dunno that 3+ books were needed for i fell in love with a vampire, but i'm not a vampire, but i love him and want to be a vampire now, but he loves me and doesn't want me to be a vampire. over and over. besides i've read tons of miya's books and these aren't anywhere near the flat out awesomeness of some of them, like the artemis fowl series.

currently i'm reading autobiography of a yogi. i walked by it in chitown when i visited kalona and it called to me. i like it, but sometimes my frame of mind isn't right and i can't concentrate. but i'm sure it'll be good for me, especially at this stage. i dunno why but i always feel frazzled and like there's not enough time for anything lately. i think i need to start painting again too, but as it is right now, everything i own minus a selection of clothes is packed away ready to be moved where ever it is that i decide to live.

/yawn. well, i should go shower and find some food somewhere. meeting angie to look at houses this afternoon and then i'm coming back to chill alone.

p.s. it's great to have internet again... for the weekend anywayz :) but never fear, i'll have it when i move next. unless i buy jennifer's house all by my lonesome with no roommate and it's more than i think it will be and then i'll have to wait til i go on overtime and stash all that money away for my internet fund. heh. well, and i'll have to be not lazy enough to find some alternative to comcast cuz i hate them with a passion and i'm stubborn enough to stick to my vow of not ever becoming a customer of theirs again.

day #1 at el trabajo nuevo went well. i'm not fluent in Freehand, but it seems quite like Illustrator and if i have questions, they seem cool about helping me out. Next friday i think they'll cut me loose on my own and when i really start on the following monday, i'll probably be ready to rock. i just have to set up my damn shortcut keys, quick work is all about the shortcut keys.

in noticios otros, i'll be artistically flashing dozens (and i'm being optimistic here ;) of people at Basement 414 starting on Saturday at 2 and continuing throughout the month. I freaked out for a minute about showing it, but called 5-0 and she was like, well if you're even considering it, u should put it in. so i did. not that i won't throw up around 1:45 on saturday or have to run out of the gallery at some point during the show to vomit in the back alley, but i suppose if i decide to do nude self-portraits, i've gotta be ok with showing them, otherwise what the fuck is the point? show opens on saturday, but it's open both saturday and sunday from 2-10, although i think no one can make it, unless i talk angie into getting a sitter for her kid so she can hold my hand... or my hair when i run into that back alley.

also, thank goddess mercury's direct again. perhaps now when i speak with that psychotic blond she won't piss me off with every second word that falls from her lips. (we got into another argument on halloween, something about her having a family and having things to do unlike teri and i, who do nothing, so we can just make split second plans and she just can't drop everything like we can when she has to get home for dinner... although my point is that we often do have things to do, but we're there for her. that's what friends do. whatever. she still hasn't apologized for her bullshit comments. she's fucking lucky i still answer the phone when she calls.)

I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


it's production design. i'll make t-shirts. they're paying me $2 an hour more than they usually pay for that job cuz i asked for it. i got the call at the end of my shift yesterday and ran back into the lab jumping up and down.

had pizza and beer and vodka lemonade with my friends last night. strangely enough i realized jen isn't my friend. i might be hers, but she's not mine. she couldn't even be bothered to text back when i told her and she knows that this is a fucking big deal for me. plus teri told her when they argued over whether or not she was coming to hang out. fuck her.

so no more computer lab job. i was gonna keep a weekend shift, but brenda booted me out, as she did sam. whatever. the only reason i was keeping it was cuz i was afraid that i'll fuck this job up, but i think i'll be fine. i can do that shit, illustrator is my forte.

why is it that i wake up every morning, take the dog to pee and then think, hmm... i could sleep for 15 more minutes... what is it that makes me think that 15 more minutes of sleep (that's assuming that i can even fall asleep that fast) is going to make me feel better?

so.. yeah. i'm sleepy today. just like every other day.

so have i related the story about the "neighbors" next door? i don't recall doing it, this is part of the reason i was stressed out all last week too. so the house next door is red-tagged, but it hasn't stopped ppl from being there at all hours. in fact, when i had my party right after i moved in, there was a guy moving shit in and he put a weight bench on the upstairs porch and since then i've seen him there a couple times lifting. so apparently no one is supposed to be in a red-tagged house (even the owner) after 5pm. however, ppl continue to live there. we've also had a couple cars stashed in the back yard (we kind of share a backyard and driveway) and my landlady has had the city tow them away. so she was all like, call the cops on them if they're here after 5. however, i'm kind of a live and let live kind of person, they don't really bother me, so i'm not going to fuck with them... although the incident where the dude cut the top off a gallon of milk and left it there was pretty strange... but then sometime last week i took quita out at some ridiculous hour and looked over and noticed this little red light under the eave of the house in the far corner... at first i thought my eyes were fucked up, i have blurry vision right after i wake up, but then i was like, that wouldn't make me see a little red light... curious...

so the next morning as i'm leaving for work, i glance over in that direction and there's totally a little camera there. it's pointing straight at our side of the backyard, like just above where we park our cars. so i get pissed. i mean, first of all, nothing happens in my backyard if u know what i'm talking about, except that i take my dog out wearing shorts and a tank top in the middle of the night. secondly if you're watching our cars to see when we're there, that's dumb, no one that lives in that house has anything worth stealing, i'm pretty sure. i certainly don't. well, i guess i have a mac, but u know what, steal it and u deal with the RAM and CD drive problems. so why the FUCK do u need to point a camera at my FUCKING backyard? so i talk to the chick upstairs and she says she's seen ppl sleeping in the cars that are no longer there. she tells me to call the landlady, so i leave her a message, but what can she do about the camera? it's on their house... which is basically what she said, but that the only way to fix the situation is to get them arrested. however there's like 10 different ppl that i've seen in and out of that house. and i still don't like calling the cops on ppl. granted, it's probably a crackhouse or something and it doesn't make me feel happy that there could be some asshole who decides that he's gonna shoot up the neighborhood cuz he wants his money or something, but what bothers me MORE (probably because i'm not afraid that i'm gonna get shot... i'm dying in a car accident after all) is the camera. i feel kind of violated. plus, if there that camera that i didn't notice until now, how many other cameras are there? is there one that's pointed at my windows? zoomed in through the crack in the blinds... probably not, but it still doesn't feel good anyway.

so anyone w/ a BB gun that wants some target practice is welcome to come fuck with the house next door.

have you ever wanted something and once you got it you didn't want it anymore? i have.

however, i've never before gotten what i wanted and wanted so much more.


btw, Ani was good. very funny and very cute.

so yesterday after spending the previous night at donyelle's talking about my future, which of course, didn't come until it was already like 1am and getting 3 hours of sleep, i called back the place that called me for an interview and they scheduled it for 4:30. i was not exactly happy about that, but u know, what the hell, right? so i got no nap and had to run to dan's to do laundry since max decided it'd be a good idea to hurl on my bed. i get to the interview and there's something creepy about the doc that interviewed me. plus it's only $9 at 10-15 hrs a week. meaning, i'd have to keep the LCC job for sure. however, i think i have it if i want it... they're going to decide by the end of the week and i'd start monday. i don't really want it, but can i afford to turn it down? it's hard to say. maybe i won't get it after all and won't have to worry about it. kind of sounds like i don't want it, eh? i don't think i do, but the extra $200 a paycheck would be nice... aside from that, i dunno if i can deal with the medical field... during the interview the secretary came in and asked him about scheduling a new patient and he immediately asked what insurance they had. the insurance carrier determined which doctor the person saw. i hated that. i could see the bad karma coming in and settling all over the place. it was a nasty, dark cloud...

fuck. the thing is, i'm not courting any other options at the moment. i haven't been called back by the vet and i haven't heard from anyone else either. the thing is, i really want a full-time job so i can tell brenda to go fuck herself. then again, donyelle talked me into taking this class that is at the back end of the semester. would i still get tuition covered if i leave? speaking of, that only fricking one that was open was face to face. i don't want to go sit in a classroom twice a week, dammit. online would've been so much better. (course, i'll have to drop it anyway if i get a FT job...)

the thing is, donyelle got me thinking... there might be something coming up instead of school... maybe...

I totally let Luna Lovegood into the lab today. She needed a temp pass.

so this is the second time i've walked past SPS and there's been a dead cockroach outside. that disturbs me. for several reasons: 1 - how many aren't dead. 2 - this is FRICKING MICHIGAN it should be far too cold to get cockroaches that are 2 inches in size and the ones in Philly were titchy compared to these... granted there were a lot more to be seen on the sidewalks in Philly...dead or alive. not to mention the waterbugs that were in my damn house, especially when gina didn't block the shower drain. 3 - i don't live that far away from LCC and bugs that big can migrate.

speaking of walking, i feel like an asshole cuz i haven't been walking to work lately. however, aside from usually being exhausted this early in the morning, i just don't like the idea of walking to work this early. not that i'm afraid of my neighborhood, cuz i'm not at all, but there's something a little bothersome to me about walking to work as the sun's coming up. maybe it's the sunrise thing that really gets me... i did want to be a vampire at one point...

in other news... someone needs to bring me coffee cuz i forgot my wallet at home and i'm totally falling asleep right now. breakfast would be good too. k thanks.

so my mom gave me money for my birthday and i need jeans pretty badly, so after work yesterday i went shopping. OMFG. i think there's a reason i haven't bought a pair of jeans in 2 years and that pair was a pair of guy jeans. i swear by all that is holy, until this skinny jean thing has passed, i'm only buying guy jeans from now on. seriously. if i wanted to wear denim-looking spandex why would i want it with a flared leg? and wouldn't i just go buy spandex? i mean really. hours and hours at the mall, 3 stores and i came out totally pissed off (because i hate trying on clothes and had to try on about 80 fricking pairs of jeans) and came out with 2. one of which i saw in one of my i'm-leaving-in-a-huff periods, hiding behind a bunch of retarded jeans that i just randomly noticed. and they might be dyed a little weird, but at least they fit normally.

oh... and apparently my bday party might not be a jen's... i finally talked to her yesterday and she was like i'm throwing you a party, huh? and i was like... uh, i dunno, are you? and she was like, well what do you want to do, but at that point i figured she didn't want to throw me a party and i was all, i dont fucking care. so she said she and teri would decide and that's what we'd do whether i liked it or not, so i said fine. she was supposed to call me back in a timely manner so i could let ppl know, however, she didn't. so hopefully i'll be making the phone calls tonight.

so what am i doing for my actual birthday you ask? good question. i'm working and then i'm debating about walking down to the grand art supply to see if they have a projector thingy and whether or not i do that, i'm then going home, taking quita out, getting something to eat and probably taking a nap. after the nap, i'll likely get up, finish reading my book or watch a movie, eat dinner, smoke a clove or two, perhaps i'll meet my new neighbor, hopefully i'll be calling ppl about my party and then i'll probably be going to bed... exciting.

so this:



has me intrigued. i guess jake put it together. i saw a flyer at the lab a while ago for submissions and never got around to it, but it's this weekend and next weekend from 2p-10p downtown and i wanna go check it out. so maybe all the ppl who crash at jen's after my birthday party will be forced to go there all hungover and gross looking. wooh. actually, i'll probably hate it, i'm kind of an art snob, but it's interesting to see some kind of scene in lansing. aside from that... i wanna go see how much better my painting is than what's there ;)


in other news, i think i'm almost over my cold. yay. brenda didn't reply to my reply to her 'you have a bad attitude' email. i haven't told jen my party's at her place cuz i've been too tired to deal w/ it and she was supposed to call me both monday and yesterday and didn't do it. so too bad for her. i suppose i will have to call her today. and then call everyone else. my mom stopped by with a birthday pie yesterday and gave me money. i think i'm gonna go buy some jeans and then get one of those projectors cuz i feel like i'll paint faster w/ one of them... not that it has anything to do with the actual painting but u know...

and i'm 25 part 2 in approximately 19 hours. wooh.

i do. i can't stand this one anymore. i got an email from brenda yesterday that basically reamed me about my attitude. the thing is, how the fuck would she know what my attitude is like? she's never here. i see her twice a semester for less than 5 min total. not to mention if anyone else, like the new lab supervisor had a problem w/ me, couldnt she address it? granted. i'm never a bundle of sunshine, especially at 7am and especially especially when i have a cold. but still. i'm not THAT bad.

so, i need a new job and soon. cuz i seriously can't deal with this bullshit anymore.

just when i thought i was settling down... nope. /sigh. oh well.

this week's been pretty boring. glad i picked up those extra shifts though, will definitely be able to use the dinero. had dinner with my aunt last night. the one from AZ... it was fine. we didn't spend the whole talking about my dad's wedding, so that's good.

i kind of have a freelance project from this guy that comes into the lab all the time, but it's almost not worth my time... i don't know if i'm going to do it or call him and be like, yea, i can't... plus i'm not convinced i'll get paid for this job. this guy has all these ideas about getting licenses for MSU images or the NFL or something and then making all this crap, but he never does it, so then his license runs out and he's got to start all over again.

motherfucker it's hot. so hot i'm actually glad i'm at work cuz of the AC. feel bad for my zoo though, it's friggin hot in my apt.

need to find something to do tonight. want to hang out w/ jen, but... seeing as last week she was adamant that she wasn't doing anything during the week anymore, mainly due to our thursday night bacchanal, that is probably unlikely. so... somewhere w/ AC... i think that leaves teri or angie's...

oh... btw, LCC surplus sale is tomorrow, think they have the flat screen monitors for $25... would get one myself, but i don't use my PC anywayz.... or my mac lately...

yea, so i got bored with bitching about myself all the time, so i started a new blog where i bitch about other people... or something...

check it out if u want to.

http://tessa-randomstuff.blogspot.com/

dammit. i think i'm sick. figures. two goddamn days before i'm supposed to go camping. and i was wondering why i've been exhausted for the past week and a half. i thought it was an iron deficiency (i really do need to pay more attention to my diet if i'm gonna be a vegetarian). dammit. dammit. dammit.

guess i'll go home, do a quick clean up (cuz my aunt's taking me to dinner and wants to see my new place... which won't exactly be fun, my father's family drives me crazy for the most part, but at least it's free food) and then nap. and no fun stuff tonight either. to bed early. and now no trying to provoke J into kissing me b4 i go either :( heh

having the kids has both driven me mad and made me depressed. CJ mentioned living w/ me again. that makes me hella nervous. i asked him if things were alright at home and he said yes. i'm not sure if it's an issue w/ miya bullying him all the time now or the fact that he stays in his room 24/7 and doesn't get any attention or if there's something worse going on. miya, on the other hand, drove me crazy. was exceptionally rude to teri when we went to the movies and then blatantly ignored me when i talked to her about it when we got home. i was so disgusted w/ her that i decided not to go to her dress rehearsal for her play, which i will miss this weekend. yea. i feel bad, but not THAT bad. her behavior was ridiculous. ok, well, i do feel bad that she's gonna be let down, but she's lucky she got to do the drama thing this summer. she should've had to do summer school. ugh. i guess i'm just frustrated at my helplessness in the situation. i can tell shari i think they need counseling. they need tools to handle their grief (so she does she, there's a goddamn shrine in her living room with fucking empty fucking packs--yes, that was plural, packs of his cigarettes on it) BUT i just get ignored. i can ask her if she knows that midget still cries himself to sleep sometimes. i doubt it'll change her mind on the matter. i can tell her that i understand being resentful of having two kids thrust upon you when you're supposed to be about to enjoy your retirement, but it doesn't mean she'll give 'em to someone who wants them full-time. it also drives me a little bit crazy that she and donyelle treat me like i'm a 12 year old when it comes to kids. because i've not had any. well, hmm.. no, haven't given birth, but gee, i've been there for those kids since they were born. i KNOW them. i know what they do. i've had to babysit, discipline, play with, cry with, give the sex-and-menstruation talk, as well as the your-father's-dying-of-AIDS talk. obviously, i'm not equipped to understand how to deal with them.

it's fucking bullshit.

but i'm still at a loss about what the fuck to do about all of that.

so i hung out w/ teri and jen and sandy and jennifer on friday. until my 1.5 beers decided that it was gonna fuck with me and i did the whole chemical change of personality. teri realized something was up and took me home. walking in the door, i hurled and then felt much better. although i felt like an ass. teri called to see if i was ok. felt like a bigger ass. /sigh. it doesn't happen often, but it does happen. i guess that's why i've always been afraid of becoming like my mother. cuz it's possible.

have the kids this weekend. i kind of feel used, in a way. i mean, i understand shari and ward wanting to go do things for themselves and the whole grandparent mentality, but i dunno... i guess i feel bad cuz they're hella bored at my house. donyelle wouldn't let them come play cuz nathan was grounded... although i dont understand why she couldn't have kept nate in his room, but whatev... taking 'em to see harry potter in imax tonight though. teri and her mom are going w/ us. they shouldn't be bored tonight... just during the day while i'm at work...heh.

i woke up to the midget crying last night cuz he missed his dad. it's heartbreaking. not sure what to do, i said i did too and threw the blanket over him. FUCK I WISH SHARI WOULD GET THOSE KIDS SOME COUNSELING.

i have it bad. REALLY, REALLY bad. like, i think i'm in trouble, bad.

drank some beer last night with angie and sam. snapped me out of my funk. thank goodness. i also got paid today, took care of my bills and ordered miya's birthday present (the new harry potter), so i'm feeling quite pleased with life at the moment. i still have to get gas (walked to work today, it wasn't too bad and took less time than i imagined) and cat food, but at least i'm not REALLY broke anymore. still won't be able to pay mom back for a bit, but such is life, i suppose.

read the good fairies of new york by martin millar yesterday. it was good. fiddling fairies, psychotic bag ladies and adult humor. will probably get around to posting it to 50bookchallenge when i finish the other book i got from the 'brar.

dan's gonna come look at my stove today. i dunno if i'm hoping he can fix it or if it's broken. it's pretty worthless as it is. then i gotta call my mom and see if she's home to return she-ra. she finally slept through the night last night and max is getting along w/ her really well. he's still really playful and it's good for him to have someone to play with all the time. i wish i could keep her... that is, as long as she continues to sleep through the night...

so it looks like my summer travel plans are toast. no $ means no vacay. however, A's leaving for Minnesota in a bit and she's got a week off of work b4 she goes. she'll be busy packing, but i asked her if it'd be cool if i came to hang out for a day or two. i'd like to see her before she moves farther away, where i'll have to get a plane ticket instead of just hopping in the car for a couple hour drive. we'll see if she's amenable, however. packing, a pool and beer with my best friend sounds like a hella good time to me. even if it is in ohio... heh.

i'm in a weird mood. it's lasted a few days now. /sigh.

so i've got most of my stuff unpacked. put my pictures up, etc. i'm starting to like this place better. it's still not a great place, but it's live-able. the one thing that's fucked up is that i think the stove is broken. and in that case, my landlord has in the lease that she's not responsible for the stove or fridge. so... i'm flat out not buying a stove (not that i can afford one anyway) and i sure as hell wouldn't buy one and then leave it there... so we're going to see what she's gonna do about it and if she won't do anything, i'll turn the gas off and go steal my mom's other microwave. maybe i'll get a hot plate too, so i can have pasta every now and then. so my diet's been erratic cuz i can't cook anything and i can't afford to go out, so i eat what i have there that i dont have to cook. or 'cook,' if you prefer...

yesterday T called me to tell me to call J and see what we were all doing. i didnt feel like calling J, but i did. she didnt answer. so T called BJ and we ended up going to S&J's for a couple beers and then went home early. it was lame. i was in a weird mood. didnt have that much fun. but at least i got out and did something.

gonna try to quit smoking. i dont really have the urge to go buy more, thanks to my last couple packs not being the kind i like anyway. i'm sleepy. i dunno why. i got to sleep in today. it might have to do with that damn kitten trying to get in my face every time i move in my sleep. got new books from the 'brar. gonna go read now. then i get to eat hot food (yay) cuz we have a microwave at work. rock on.

why can't i be an heiress? /sigh

went to teri's last night cuz she offered to let me borrow her mac if i'd install CS2 and then i didn't have to sit at LCC and i got to drink beer while i was designing. it was kind of awesome. her parents are pretty cool.

interview today went ok... up until the point where i had to take my little design test. i only got through 2 of them. i had to recreate files by eye. no scanning in. just me, my sheet of paper and a pica stick. that kind of blew. besides the chick sat behind me watching over my shoulder the whole time. talk about making a girl nervous... the guy said he still wasn't sure as far as my experience because they really need a prepress person, but he asked me if i'd be interested in a marketing job, doing their sales with the chick that i interviewed with (also) today. i said yes. heh. who knows, i might be happier doing that. and they seem like cool ppl. he said i was easy to get along with :) ... however... that means no lip piercing. ah well. if i go to grad school i can get it then. if i want it then. maybe it's just a passing phase.

now i'm back at LCC picking up a few more hours this week. i need the $ big time. i can't use my checkcard again til friday cuz i went to meijers and bought the crap i needed for my new place.. and a 12 of corona for teri. tonight i'm gonna be moving my shit around. might call angie or sam and see if they'll help me get the rest of it out of dan's garage so i can put my clothes away and stuff. that'd be good.

so yea. that is all.